Erotica for the Natural Wine Lover
by Ron Washam
He was the most handsome man in the bar. I knew he was the one when he walked over to the jukebox and selected my favorite song — The Police’s...
Ron Washam
At a tender age, Ron turned away from a career as a comedy writer to become a sommelier. One could say he prefers spitting to gagging. He served nineteen years as a sommelier in Los Angeles, and was twice named Sommelier of the Year by the California Restaurant Writers Association, primarily because he was unbeatable in the swimsuit competition. He also serves as a professional wine judge in many formerly prestigious competitions. He is one of only one HoseMaster of Wine in the world and writes a monthly satirical column for timatkin.com
Articles by Ron Washam
The NRA Wine Club – Locked and Loaded
by Ron Washam
Hello, I’m Wayne LaPierre of the National Rifle Association inviting you to become a member of the NRA Wine Club. At the NRA, we believe that nothing goes better with...
The A.I. of Wine Spectator
by Ron Washam
The two words that come to mind when one thinks of the “Wine Spectator’s” lineup of wine critics — James Laube, Matt Kramer, Tim Fish, James Molesworth, Harvey Steiman et...
So You Wanna Be a Wine Judge.Com
by Ron Washam
Hello! And welcome to So You Wanna Be a Wine Judge.Com!, your online wine judge certification program. Once you complete this simple online course, you’ll be completely qualified to judge...
The Future of Wine (1988)
by Ron Washam
When I first began blogging about wine back in 1988, there wasn’t even an internet. The whole world was like North Korea, except with dogs. That didn’t stop me from...
The HoseMaster of Wine’s Christmas wish list
by Ron Washam
Dear Santa, This Christmas, I don’t want anything for myself. I have everything I need, Santa. A cellar filled with the great wines of the world, and Oregon wines, too....
Blind Review of Jon Bonné’s “The New Wine Rules”
by Ron Washam
I wanted to read Jon Bonné’s latest wine book, “The New Wine Rules,” but I have a new rule myself. I don’t read books about wine rules. Books about wine...
Wine is Just So Depressing
by Ron Washam
It’s just so hard to learn about wine. I try and I try, but, frankly, it’s depressing. Really depressing. I guess that’s just the way of the world right now....
The Emperor of Wine Donald Trump’s Guerrilla Guide to Wine
by Ron Washam
Wine is simple, folks. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s simple. Believe me, I know simple. I married simple. Wine isn’t hard to understand. It isn’t hard to understand,...
Parker in the Bardo
by Ron Washam
The Emperor of Wine was brooding. What had it all been for, he asked himself. The power, the points, the bluster. Now, nearly 70, the body breaking down like En...
The Threat of Global Wine Terrorism
by Ron Washam
The threat of global terrorism has finally reached the wine business. Wineries, importers, sommeliers, wine writers— all have found themselves under siege from various loosely organized but determined groups of...
News from the Court of Natural Sommeliers
by Ron Washam
The Court of Natural Sommeliers is pleased to announce that it is now accepting applications from qualified people in the wine trade who wish to pursue their N.S. There are...